It's ok to be depressed.

Mental illness...to this day, those words have a stigma attached. You just don't talk about it. It's still thought of as shameful, embarrassing and humiliating. But it's real. It's there. It's hard to blog about...or is it? I find that I can put things into text, instead of just verbalizing because I can hit the backspace and just rid myself of the wrong stuff and reword what needs to be said.
After a long discussion with my husband, and some research and information gathering, I have finally gone to see my doctor. I have been diagnosed with Dysthymic Depression. In simpler terms, I have moderate depression with anxiety issues. The Dysthymia is a bit different than a deep depression because even though the symptoms are not as severe, they last longer. Years to tell you the truth.

What's that? You want to know the symptoms?? I can tell you a few that I personally am dealing with on a daily basis. I can't sleep well. I wake up frequently and am very restless. I can't feel happy for others and don't want to be around them and have to pretend. I don't want to do anything. I don't care about anything. I dread going to work even though I really like my bosses and most of the people I work with. Low self esteem and feeling inadequate. Always sad or irritable...not to mention the physical pain. There are more...but you are getting the general idea.

I think what bothers me the most, is there are still people who don't believe, or understand anything about what a depressed person goes through. I would never wish these feelings on anyone and there are no words to describe how badly a person can feel. All I can hope is they read this, understand what I am saying, and maybe understand me a little more.

I think my family genetics have a lot of play in this. From things I have read online and with information from online forums, Depression and anxiety problem can be inherited. No, this doesn't make me angry or sad. It makes me love my family even more. It makes me sympathize a bit more because I couldn't understand fully what it was like to feel hopeless, helpless and not know who to talk to. And they understand what I am going through right now.

The anxiety has been chalked up to work. I am not sure that some people can understand, unless they have had experience in food service, how stressful working in a restaurant can be. You have to be happy ALL the time, even when you have the worst customers ever. It's difficult to take 2 minutes for a bathroom break, you don't always get to sit down and eat a meal, you have to multi-task like a fiend and get along with all of your coworkers no matter whether you like them or not.

 I know there are a lot of you who know me personally and might be thinking "Oh Reesa...you are always such a funny person...you aren't depressed." Well kids, guess what...I am in customer service. I act. A lot. and some days it wears me to the point of exhaustion to have to act happy and try to be fun and entertaining.

So, with that being said...I told myself I would tell only people who I am close to at work about this. Then I realized, that Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. Mental illness has been shoved into a corner for too long. Yes, I am sick. But with help, I will get better! I will get better with the love and support of my family, my friends and support of my doctor.

And a little help from Zoloft too.

neither a borrower nor lender be...

I have moments where I thank my lucky stars that I am an only child. I also have moments where I wish I had oodles of brothers and sisters. What does this have to do with the title of this particular post? I shall get to that, have patience.
I, obviously, am an only child...sort of. I have an older step sister and a younger step sister, neither of whom I have much contact with...not for lack of trying. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them...but that isn't the issue.
I grew up in a very quiet house. My parents worked a lot, they commuted over an hour and a half each day, each way. It was very taxing on them and I didn't appreciate the sacrifices they made for me until I was a parent myself. Of course, that is how it always is.
I was angry and lonely for a long time because I spent so much time by myself, several miles from town and away from the kids my age which halfway put me as an outsider. One quarter of the outsider-ness was because I was from 'the other side of the mountains' and the other quarter was my geeky and out-there personality. A personality that I would not change to meet the standards of most other teens.
 All I wanted growing up was a brother or sister...it didn't matter if they were older or younger, or if we got along or not...I just wanted someone there to commiserate on the injustices of being a teen, someone to blame it on when something went wrong, someone to complain to about school. Those feelings have stayed with me for a very long time. Now don't get me wrong, I do not in any way, shape or form, blame my parents. Dad had his kids and mom didn't want any more after I came along and with other circumstances, it just wasn't in the cards for me to have siblings. Yes, I spent time with my step sisters but it was never time that I felt was enjoyable. As a kid, I felt left out of the activities that Dad and the girls participated in and as an adult, I see that he tried so hard to include me in those activities but since he didn't get to see J and C often, he would pay a lot of attention to them in a 2 day period. I see now that I shouldn't have felt jealous but try telling that to a kid who is stuck as a 'middle' child. *yes mom, I am over that now*
I used to see other families with lots of kids spending time together at picnics, camping trips, school functions, family outings etc...strike up a conversation with one or two kids from a big family and they will say one of two things. They will say they love spending time with the whole family or they wish they were an only. Then the conversation would ensue from the one who wishes they were an only about how great it is not to have to share the bathroom, wear the hand me downs, get beat up by the brother, ignored by the sister or not get to pick what to watch on tv or at the movies.
But I digress...
Recently a situation happened that made me realize that I may be a lucky person to be an only. An item was loaned out to a member of my husbands family. That item came back months later damaged with no acknowledgement that it was broken. Yes, that item is repairable, it's the matter of lying by omission. After finally asking outright, who had broken the item, one of them responded that they had....with no apology and no offer of monetary compensation to pay for repairs. Then come to find out from another person, that there was damage done by both of the people...again, no apology, no offer to pay for repairs. The frustration here is that if it's family, you would think that there would at LEAST be an apology...but no.
When I was growing up, if an item was borrowed, and it broke, you apologized, paid for any repairs or just replaced that item. But at least, owned up to the fact that you broke it...I find it so disheartening that the trust and truth has disappeared from a lot of family units. Especially between siblings...
And this is why I am glad I am an only.

Manners: now on the Endangered Species List

I wonder sometimes, exactly when society decided they were more important than anything else in the world. Important enough to forget the basic laws of life. Manners, respect for your elders, traffic laws and common courtesy to name a few. I really yanks my chain when people run red lights, stop their cars in the crosswalk, run stop signs and cut turns so they drive in the wrong lane just to name a few.

People these days have also forgotten basic manners. It really is okay to hold a door open for a person who has their hands full, it really is okay to say Please and Thank You, it really is okay to tell someone to have a wonderful day.

It seems to me that this change of I'm-more-important-than-you-so-get-out-of-my-way mentality was an overnight thing. I know that isn't true but it still astounds me that no one really cares about the health and well being of anyone other than themselves. Now mind you, I am not referring to my friends and family, I am talking about people I observe not only at work, but during every normal thing I do...going to the grocery store, driving to the bank, etc.

When I go shopping, and walk into someone's line of sight of the shelves, I say 'excuse me' or 'pardon me'. Usually I get a smile or a 'that's okay'. Once in a while I get no response. Not often though. But there is a younger generation that when they walk in front of you, they don't say anything close to that. When I leave a store, loaded down with bags of groceries, people do not move aside for me...again, a younger generation. Even the courtesy clerks aren't very courteous anymore. 

As I write this, I hope that the next generation will try to right this wrong, and be more polite and aware of other people in the world. 

Then I see the bullying online and think...nope....ain't gonna happen. 

quality in workmanship?

So here I am again...but this time with more questions than answers. After having a disappointing week with products I have purchased, I decided I had had enough. 
We purchased a carafe-less coffee maker and after much love and use, it had a debilitating accident. So, being quite satisfied with it, we bought another coffee maker from the same company. We purchased it in December...after about 2 weeks, we realized, that water was pooling under the maker. Mysterious!!
Then...nothing for about 2 months. No leaks. 
That didn't last. At least once a week, water would pool up on the counter. And we couldn't figure out what was going on...fast forward to last week. Yeah..........
Let's just say that the coffee maker company got an email from me stating we would not be buying their products anymore. Not even 24 hours later, we got an email stating they will gladly replace our maker for no charge...don't want to lose a customer I guess. 
Now the point...I have contacted other companies before when I have been dissatisfied with a product and have had nothing but great responses with very helpful people willing to make it right. And yes, I have contacted companies when I have been happy with something. *I have found they are less likely to contact someone unless there is a complaint*
I believe that companies should make right what is wrong. It's how you keep a loyal customer base.
So...when our brand new garden hose failed, I went online to look up the company that made it. I can find plenty of companies that USE the product, plenty of places to BUY the product but can't find an actual website.
According to the product label, the hose is guaranteed for a year...2 weeks it's broken and I can't even get a hold of the damn company. Frustrating.
So, with that being said, it brings to mind something that one of my friends told me. I was telling her about the coffee maker and how I emailed the company. She then told me that I should tag the companies here on my blog and any time I have an issue or a good experience with a product, I should tag the company in here. I told her that was a great idea...except I don't know how to do that! 

*this is where anyone who is more techy than I can comment and tell me how to do just that*

Am I the only person who will raise a stink if something doesn't work right? Am I the only person who has no idea how to make a company aware that I am blogging about their crappy stuff? Or complimenting them on a job well done? 

Am I talking to myself? 

So here it is...my blog...

I decided to start this as I don't always feel comfortable posting or commenting on facebook about issues I feel strongly about or if I comment on someone else's post, their friends get all freaky deaky about my sense of humor. So ... blog.

I do ask, however, for my 'followers' to be patient with me. This is my first blog, I have no idea what i am doing and there may be offensive material. *gasp* offensive material on the internet?? say it ain't so!!

Anyhow, I don't know how often I will put things on here. It will mostly be when I think something warrants a rant or a snarky comment. For example: hearing someone say...it's such a long day today!um....

no. The day is 24 hours. Period. It may FEEL like a long day because you are involved in tasks that are unpleasant or you are just bored. But, time has not changed. There are 60 seconds in a minute and 60 minutes in an hour. 24 hours in a day. Now unless we have changed the dynamics of space and time, today is the same length of time as yesterday and the same length of time that tomorrow will be. Get over it, find a new phrase. 

I love you all....thanks.

PS...I am not sure if you can comment on my stuff...day one and all, still learning all this new to me stuff...and Jade, thanks. You are an inspiration and I miss you a lot :)